Missing links...........

Staying away from home, my beloved ones and my roots.....it is not at all an easy thing for me..I feel not for any one else as well....well there can be exceptions..but still i feel majority will agrees with me.


When I decided to leave my first company I thought I will be joining a company in south so that I can go home frequently ,I will get more time to spend with my ageing parents.But all in vein ..I joined TCS mumbai and again the same story continues....I dont regret but I do miss my family at times....I miss my father and mother, I know they miss me too.....


Last time when I was returning back after my last vaccation as ususal a day before mom started speaking less , I could read that mind ... She might be thinking that after I goes it is same routine again she and my father all alone...ya my sis comes on week ends but still they deserve more comfort and sense of belonging in the evening of their life ..... amma ... I am aware of that , I also at times think about going back .. but carrer oriented side of my brain says..'binu, stay back for some more time , It will be good for you'......It is the time when brain takes the control and heart is all submissive ...But my heart wont give in so easily,it keep on reminding my brain ,'dude you are missing many things....take care of that before it is too late for you'........this messages flashes in so frequently; especially when I see two drops of trears in my fathers eyes when he see me off, when I grab my bro's kids and realise they have increased their weight and they are growing up....when I call up and my mom says ,'You know marraige of you cousin has been fixed'.......when my brother tell me thru fone' father is not feeling well, I have taken him for a check up'.............Then suddenly that feeling of lonliness will showers in to me like a mansoon rain................but I try to convince my self......'Itz ok dude......every thing will be fine....Just hang on...' After all life is some thing that changes its appearence in the way in which you perceive it...

alone........

i woke up into the graveyard of my past ...
abandoned by my ancient enemies....
cant figure out where i am from .....
cant trace out where the rest of lipstic in my cheek belong.....


shivering cold and suffocating smell of my my purid love
drives me crazy round the clock....
makes me feel unwanted ...buried me in this ultimate solitude ...

I have lost my track... I lost it completely....

At times I feel ..lonliness is the greatest fear of man kind....since the time of orgin of man kind we try to live in groups........ reasons may be diferent for love,for comfort,for food,for reproduction ..ultimately for survival...!!!!!!!